


Follow Me Home

by shewhospeakswiththunder



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Attempted mugging, Binge Drinking, Blacking Out, Eventual Smut, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Fingerfucking, Flashbacks, HEA, Hangover, Human/Monster Romance, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Loss of Virginity, Neck Kissing, Nightmares, Post-Coital Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rey has a potty mouth, Rey has issues, Sex, Slow Burn, Soft Ben Solo, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Virgin Ben Solo, Vomiting, Werewolves, ben has issues, ben is gentle understanding and tall, earn your smut, implied porn watching, minor obsessive compulsive tendencies, pretty vanilla stuff but i write what i write, references to masturbation, very slow burn, ya'll earned your smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-01-16 16:54:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21274544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shewhospeakswiththunder/pseuds/shewhospeakswiththunder
Summary: For the following prompts:Curious Cat Prompt: "On a full moon night, drunk Rey mistakes a werewolf for stray puppy. She coos at him and takes him home, feeds him, even washes off the dried mud (blood) on his fur. The next morning, she finds a naked man built like a fridge sleeping on her bedroom floor."Fridays with Flydam Prompt: "-was/is haunted by darkness"





	1. Chapter 1

  


  


The late train toward inner city left the platform at one in the morning, and there wasn’t another train until five, so Rey almost fell down the stairs trying to catch it in time. The air in the tunnel was damp and musty, but familiar, and when Rey seated herself on one of the hard plastic chairs in a huff just as the doors closed, she lifted up a silent prayer to whomever was listening in gratitude for not having to sleep on a bench in the train tunnel that night. 

The rocking of the train car and the steady beat of metal wheels against metal tracks usually were calming to Rey, but as drunk as she was, it only made the spinning in her head worse. 

Forty-five minutes later, she stumbled out onto her home platform, the open air chillier than when she had left for the evening hours earlier, and began the trudge homeward, keeping a key lodged between her fingers in one hand and her pepper spray clutched in the other. It was too late to be out in her neighborhood. 

A loud rattling of garbage cans startled her, and she whipped around, aiming the pepper spray down the alley to her left. Her heart was beating so forcefully she could hear it in her ears, but when a mangy black dog materialized out of the shadows cast by streetlights, she swallowed and tried to slow her breathing.

“Just a dog,” she muttered, her hands falling to her sides. 

It sat down on the pavement and calmly watched her. 

“Hi, buddy,” Rey said quietly. The dog’s ears flicked forward at her voice and she took a step closer.

The pointed ears and strong build gave it the look of a husky, but it was almost impossible to be sure with all the grime matted in its coat.

Taking another cautious step forward, the dog flicked its tail once, tracking her with its eyes and cocking its head at her in curiosity. Emboldened by its friendly demeanor, Rey held out her hand to let it sniff her.

The dog was as careful as Rey was, glancing up first at her as if for permission and then leaning forward to investigate her hand. Its nose was cool and wet, and the little puffs of air Rey felt on her skin tickled, making her laugh softly. At the sound, the dog gave another small wag of its tail and proceeded to sniff the pepper spray bottle Rey forgot to put away. It sneezed roughly, spraying Rey, but she just laughed again and quickly stowed small bottle away.

“Sorry, buddy,” she said with a rueful smile. “Do you have a home? Are you lost?” Kneeling next to the dog, she searched for a collar and found none. 

The dog turned its head and licked her hand, and Rey’s heart melted. 

“This is a terrible idea, but I want to take you home with me.” 

Soulful eyes regarded her silently, intelligently, and Rey was gripped instantly with the notion that walking away from this animal was unacceptable.

Standing up slowly, the alcohol still unbalancing her, she brushed gravel from her knees. “Come on,” she said, patting her thigh.

The ears perked forward again, and the dog started to rise, but decided against it.

“Come on, buddy,” she coaxed. “Let’s get you washed up at least.” 

When the dog rose to all fours, its true size gave Rey pause.

“Big boy,” she murmured to herself, before walking backward, testing whether or not the dog would follow. 

Hesitantly, it did. 

Every so often, Rey would check over her shoulder to see if it was still behind her, and each time she saw it, she would smile and encourage him along. It kept its head down low, as if what it was doing was somehow wrong, but whenever Rey voiced a kind word, it picked up the pace slightly.

The dingy lobby of Rey’s apartment building was empty. In the three years she had lived there, not once had she seen a doorman at the little doorman station, and with no fear whatsoever of being caught, led the dog indoors and herded him into the elevator, punching the button for the eighth floor.

It was incredible how docile the dog was, how smart he was. When the elevator doors slid shut, it turned and sat next to Rey, waiting just as she did for the doors to open again, as if it had ridden elevators all its life. 

The first thing Rey did after shutting her apartment door behind her and the dog was pop several tablets of ibuprofen, already feeling the beginnings of the inevitable headache the morning would bring. 

Gulping down a full glass of water and setting it down on the kitchen counter, she finally took a good long look at the animal sitting in front of her.

It was _ enormous, _ even for a husky, and covered in what looked like dried mud under the cheap fluorescent lighting. 

“Yup,” Rey said, nodding to herself. “It’s definitely bathtime.”

This elicited the first noise she had heard from the dog all night— a whimper.

Rey rolled her eyes and started for the bathroom, turning on the water and letting the tub fill with warm water. Scanning the various soaps and shampoos sitting on the plastic ledge of the tub, Rey grimaced, unsure of what would be safe for dog fur, before grabbing the dish soap from the kitchen sink. 

In comparison to the relatively tiny bathroom, the dog was positively _ gigantic, _ leaving almost no space for Rey to maneuver around it at all. In the brighter light, she also could see clearly just how dirty it was, despite the black fur. The strange rust-colored mud all along his muzzle and neck had started to flake off with movement, the dark little flecks visible on the linoleum and fluffy pink floor mat. She would have to wash all that, too, when she was done with the dog. 

“All right, in you go,” she prompted, and to her surprise, it stepped right into the tub. 

It took about half an hour to clean all the filth from the poor animal’s coat, the mud streaming into the tub water in burgundy rivulets, but it stood still as she ran her fingers up and down its body. She paid special attention to its ears, cleaning them up as much as she could, and noticed a notch had been bitten out of one of them, probably in a fight. It took almost half the bottle of dish soap to to do the job, its fur was so thick, but it gleamed sleek and soft after she towel-dried it.

Exhaustion was setting in and Rey’s eyes began to close of their own accord after the task was done. The last thing she did before washing her hands and flopping down on her bed was sacrifice one of her favorite blankets to the dog, laying it on the floor in a corner of her living room well away from the furniture. 

It had sniffed the blanket, pawed it, and circled it, before laying down with its head resting on the floor. Rey couldn’t stop herself from bending down next to it and running her hand once more from the top of its head down its back, marveling at the lovely darkness of the fur. Warm brown eyes met hers, and another whimper issued from its throat.

“Hush,” Rey said. “We’ll try to find your owners tomorrow. Stay, okay?”

She then toddled off to bed and fell asleep before her head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi!  
[tumblr](https://shewhospeakswiththunder.tumblr.com)  
[twitter](https://twitter.com/shewhospeaks2)


	2. Chapter 2

From the strength of the light that shone in Rey’s eyes, it was well into the early afternoon when she woke up.

The preemptive ibuprofen the night before did little to lessen her pounding headache. Gingerly, Rey crawled out of bed and into her kitchen, smelling the carton of milk before sloshing a generous helping on top of her cereal. If she had any money left over from last night, she might have ordered a greasy breakfast sandwich from down the street, but it wasn’t in the cards.

Taking her bowl and lowering herself onto the second-hand sofa in her living room, she unlocked her phone and began to scroll through her accounts when she noticed something different in the room.

A naked man sleeping next to the radiator.

Rey shrieked, cereal bowl flying out of her hands and clattering to the floor. She scrambled over the back of the sofa and ran to the kitchen for her purse, fumbling for the pepper spray and dropping it several times in the process.

Trembling, she tiptoed back to the living room, holding the spray out in front of her.

The man was just waking up, probably jolted into consciousness by her scream, and she watched, her heart hammering, as he blinked blearily and scanned the room. When his eyes fell on her, he immediately tensed.

“Get the _fuck_ out of my apartment," Rey warned, deadly serious.

His gaze dropped to his hands, mouth falling open in surprise, and then his eyes whipped back up to her. He swallowed dryly, breathing heavily.

Rey could see his ribs through his skin as they expanded and contracted with each ragged breath, confusion and fear written plainly on his face.

“Hey, where’s my dog?” Rey demanded, its absence suddenly occurring to her.

“I…” he began, his deep voice rough, shaky.

_“Where’s my dog?!”_ Rey yelled at him, brandishing the pepper spray.

He flinched.

“Answer me, you fucking creep!”

“You…you let me in—”

“I did not!” Rey shot back.

“Why did you do that…?”

“What are you talking about?!”

He searched her, silently pleading.

“God… you washed me—!” he choked out, hunching into himself. It was only then that Rey could see the scars slashed into his pale skin, all along his back and down his arms.

“What the fuck is this?” Rey’s mind reeled, making connections that, if the usual rules of reality had applied, never should have connected. “Show me your ear.”

Obeying immediately, he pushed the dark hair back from his right ear, and Rey’s heart dropped into her stomach. There was a notch missing from the upper cartilage.

Tears sprang to her eyes, a burning fullness in her throat making it difficult to speak. “What’s happening?”

He leveled a stare at her, haunted by a darkness Rey couldn’t name.

He didn’t answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come, eventually! I just didn't want to miss out on the loose Friday deadline, otherwise I would have done more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reminder, this is unbeta'd. Proceed accordingly.
> 
> (aka don't hate me in my unadulterated mess lol)

Rey’s legs gave way, and she barely made it to the rickety chair at her small dinner table. She brought shaky fingers to her temples and tried to message away the pounding headache that had consolidated to a single throbbing beat right behind her eyes. It didn’t work.

When Rey was little, all she had to do to be safe from the monsters under her bed was pull her blanket over her head. If you couldn’t see the monsters, it made sense to a child that they couldn’t see you. She followed the juvenile assumption that this would translate to real life and closed her eyes. Maybe the strange naked man sitting in the opposite corner of her living room would disappear, too.

That didn’t work either. 

Sighing, she looked over at him, now huddled inside the blanket she had given the dog last night, his knees drawn to his chest in what seemed like an effort to take up as little space as possible. But, there was no earthly way he  _ couldn’t  _ take up space—the man was every bit as enormous in proportion as the dog had been. Even through the blanket, Rey could see his sturdy, broad shoulders, and peeking through the bottom of the covering she spotted the thick, corded muscles of his bare thighs.

It was suddenly too much. Rey jumped up from her chair and bolted to the bathroom, brushing her teeth furiously to get rid of the taste of stale alcohol and washing her face with equal fervor, scrubbing hard at the makeup still staining her skin from the previous night.

When she returned to the living room, pepper spray still in hand, the man hadn’t moved, not one inch. If he didn’t disappear, there was nothing else to do but deal with the uncomfortable and barely believable situation at hand.

She cleared her throat loudly. “What’s your name?”

“Ben,” he muttered at the radiator.

“Ben  _ what?” _ she pressed, exasperated.

“Ben Solo.” Still he refused to make eye contact.

It was a ridiculous name. 

“Right.”

Ben hunched into himself even more, and a pang of empathy lanced through her. 

“Clothes,” she muttered to herself, turning on her heel and rifling through the pile of clean clothes she almost never bothered to put away these days. There was simply no way his body was going to fit in any of her pants, even the stretchiest of them, but the overlarge bathrobe she had bought on a whim months ago caught her eye. 

Never once did she set down the pepper spray, but she did choose to pocket it when she approached him with the bathrobe. 

“Here,” she said, holding the robe out to him. 

From where he sat on the ground, he glanced up at her offering, wary, before slowing reaching out. Rey dropped it into his outstretched hand once he grabbed it and backed away, half turning to give him privacy.

“I don’t know if it will fit,” she said tersely. 

From the corner of her eye, she watched as he carefully stood, his hair hiding whatever emotions his face might have betrayed. Slowly he shrugged out of the blanket, not that it was covering much to begin with, and Rey had to stifle a gasp at the scars crisscrossing the expanse of his shoulders and back before quickly looking away.

The floor creaked as he settled back down on the ground and brought his knees back to his chest. The hem of the bathrobe rode up so high on his arms and thighs it was almost comical, but Rey was in no mood for humor.

She shook her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. “How—where… I don’t even know where to start. Am I going crazy?” she asked no one in particular.

“No,” he answered quietly, still training his focus pointedly at the radiator.

This time a strangled laugh did escape her. “Please, explain to me how  _ you  _ are sitting on my living room floor, then.”

This earned her a brief sideways glance, but no verbal response.

“Ben.” 

He locked onto her, eyes wide.

“Explain why you aren’t a dog anymore.” 

His brows furrowed in confusion and, turning to face her more fully, was about to ask her something when he stopped himself and grimaced, rubbing his eyes.

“I don’t know where to start either.”

“Well, you had better figure—”

“What’s your name?” he interrupted.

“Rey,” she answered, caught off-guard.

Ben nodded. “That’s a pretty name.”

“Th-thank you,” she stammered, still trying to regain her bearings. “Can you like, not sit on the floor anymore? It’s weird.”

Hesitating, he stood up, but remained standing in the corner awkwardly, unsure of what to do. 

“Just… sit on the couch or something. Over there,” Rey directed with a gesture, impatient with him now. 

The sofa springs creaked under his weight as he sat, appearing every bit as uncomfortable there as he had been on the floor. 

“So, are you a person, or a dog? Wait, no—bad question.  _ What  _ are you?”

“A werewolf,” he answered her readily.

“A werewolf that turns into a  _ husky?” _

Ben shook his head slowly. “No.”

Rey blinked at him once, twice. “What?”

His gaze lifted up to meet hers and Rey’s blood ran cold.

“Are you telling me that I let a  _ wolf  _ into my apartment last night?”

The continued silence was affirmation.

“What the  _ fuck.” _

“I wouldn’t have hurt you,” he tried to reassure her. “I’d already eaten—” He clamped his mouth shut.

“Oh my God,” Rey breathed, dread shivering up her spine, goosebumps erupting on her arms. “Eaten  _ what?” _ Pieces of the previous night came back to her, the  _ color _ the tub water had turned, and tears gathered in her eyes for the second time that day. “The mud—that wasn't mud…!"

It was increasingly difficult to breathe with her throat narrowing the way it was. Rushing to the kitchen, Rey ran the tap water as hot as she could tolerate and lathered her skin up to her elbows with soap, rubbing hard. Her hands were contaminated with filth and it had to come off.

Half sobbing, half wheezing, Rey washed her hands three times over before a wave of nausea stilled her, then sent her urgently running for the bathroom. 

Doubled over the toilet, she retched until nothing else came up, and then continued to dry heave for several minutes, all the while cursing her shitty gag reflex while her entire body shook like a leaf. She flushed the toilet, then flushed it again, and stood on legs that felt like jelly to rinse her mouth in the sink and brush her teeth again. 

Everything had to be cleaned. The first thing to go was the bath mat. There was no saving it, she would just have to get another.

The next twenty minutes was a flurry of scrubbing tiles, floor, tub, toilet. When she finished, her hands were dry and raw from disinfectant, but that didn't stop her from washing them thoroughly once again.

Suddenly parched, Rey downed two entire glasses of water before she finally was able to inhale a true, deep, oxygenating breath. Steeling herself, she stalked back into the living room, pulling her one dining table chair behind her and sitting in front of the stranger on her couch.

It was hard not to be affected by the deeply concerned expression on Ben’s face, but Rey mentally chided herself for being naive. It was high time she got to the root of this… unprecedented situation.

“Who _the fuck_ are you, and why did you follow me home?”


	4. Chapter 4

Ben sat motionless for an unbearable stretch of time, his head cradled in his hands. Rey gritted her teeth and waited, every nerve on high alert.

Finally, he looked up and said, “It’s hard to explain.”

“You better fucking try.”

A jolt of fierce joy shot through Rey when she saw him eye the pepper spray still tucked away in her pocket. She still had the upper hand.

“You… you didn’t treat me like a wolf,” he said, rubbing his face tiredly.

“Yeah, no shit.”

“No, I mean…” he broke off, clearly frustrated. “That hasn’t happened in a long time.”

“What, turning into a naked man on a strange woman’s living room floor?” Rey spat out.

“No! That’s  _ never  _ happened before.” Unable to meet her eyes anymore, he murmured, “You were… kind to me. That’s why I followed you. I don’t have a better reason.”

A thick silence settled on the room.

“Did you know I was drunk?” Rey asked, shattering the tense quiet.

“Yes,” he said, but when Rey’s face darkened he quickly added, “But only in the way an animal might know. You were… wobbly. And smelled terrible.”

“Wow, thanks,” she said, tone heavy with sarcasm. “So this is all just one big accident, then. I was accidentally nice to a wolf, and it accidentally turned out to be a… a werewolf, who accidentally turned back into a dude overnight.”

Ben pretended to studiously examine the hem of Rey’s robe. 

“Hello? We’re talking here!”

“What day is it? How long until the next full moon?” he suddenly asked.

“How the fuck should I know?” 

“Do you have a calendar?” he pressed, urgently now.

“What century are you even from?” Rey grumbled, searching the vicinity for her phone and locating it wedged in between two cushions on the couch. “Hand me that, would you? My phone,” she clarified, seeing his confusion, and pointing to it.

Leaning over, Ben reached for it, the robe riding up higher on his thigh. Rey suppressed the hysterical laughter bubbling up inside her at the sight, pressing her lips firmly together as she accepted the phone he handed to her.

Some typing and scrolling later, Rey announced, “‘The next full moon will occur…’ oh, that’s like a week from now, next Saturday.” She looked up from the screen, hearing a dejected sigh from the couch. “Why? You going to change back?”

Clearing his throat and speaking to the floor, he asked flatly, “Can I have some money?”

Narrowing her eyes at the flush of embarrassment now tinting his cheeks and the white skin of his knuckles as he clenched his hand hard, Rey responded, “We just went through all of that so you could  _ rob me?” _

“Ha, yeah,” he said, voice tight, his own sarcasm bleeding through his words. “That’s right.”

“I don’t believe you.”

He snorted. “Believe what you want, sweetheart.”

_ “Don’t _ call me that,” Rey snapped. “If I gave you money, what would you do? Leave? Where would you go?”

“Does it matter?”

“So, you’re going to cop an attitude now. Un-fucking-real.” 

“I don’t know, okay? It’s not like I planned on this! I’ll… I'll pay you back, somehow.”

“Uh-huh.” Rey ran an appraising eye over him. He really had  _ nothing, _ not even a pair of underwear to his name. “You really don’t have anywhere to go?” she asked, softer now.

“I’ve been an animal for a long time. I live on the streets.”

“Wait, don’t you, like… change… once a month or whatever?”

Ben sighed bitterly. “Can I please have some money?”

“No.”

“Well, can you at least get something for me to wear outside? I’ll pay you back, I promise.”

“I’m not leaving you alone in my apartment,” she quickly dismissed him.

“You’re not leaving me with many options,” he growled through gritted teeth.

“Seems to me like you didn’t have very many to begin with.”

“Rey, please. I didn’t mean for this to happen, and the last thing I want is for you to be scared in your own home. God, I—if you could just… get me some clothes, I can go.”

“I can’t,” Rey admitted. “I… uh, I’m broke. I get paid again Thursday night. I could buy you clothes then.” The shame of saying it out loud burned, but it was the truth. She had ten dollars left in her bank account, just to stay in the black, and last night she had spent every spare penny on booze and cover charges. Like she always did. 

“What day is it today?” Ben asked again.

“Saturday.”

His eyes begged the question he didn’t have to ask. 

“You can stay here until then,” Rey relented. The visible relaxation of every muscle in Ben’s body made her realize just how tense he had been. “But no funny business. I’ll call the police on your ass so fast your head will spin.”

“I can live with that,” Ben said with a strained smile.

“Good.”

“Rey,” he called to her as she got up to leave the room, her only thought now of going right back to bed and sleeping through this god awful hangover. She paused and turned to face him. 

“Thank you.”

“Yeah. Don’t make me regret it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, all! So I have this mostly outlined, more to come next week. I'm hoping to update consistently every Thursday or Friday. Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Rey desperately had to pee. A two-hour long nap and another hour of screwing around on her almost-dead phone had been a serious exercise in the art of procrastination, but the time had come—she had to exit her room once more and face the bizarre reality her life had become.

Padding along the hardwood floor, Rey attempted to make as little noise as possible, but realized as she approached the bathroom that Ben was currently in it, the door wide open.

Seeing him at his full height in front of the mirror gave Rey pause, her mind supplying words echoed from the previous night:  _ big boy. _ Confusion stayed her at first, curiosity keeping her there as he stared at his own reflection. Slowly, he raised a hand to touch his cheek. 

It was a new face for him, if anything could be guessed from his look of wonder as he regarded each feature. His gaze flicked down to where her own countenance reflected in the mirror and he startled, backing away from the sink quickly, his back pressed to the wall behind him.

“Would you mind?” Rey asked, the pressing urgency of her bodily needs preventing her from continued observation, as strangely fascinating as he was.

Immediately grasping the situation, Ben left, hugging the door frame as if to remain as physically far away from her as possible, and hurriedly resumed his seat on the couch.

After taking care of her business, Rey’s stomach gurgled, first a reminder that it was dinner time, but also of how little food she actually had in the apartment.

The refrigerator's contents were scant and the cupboards’ even scantier, but she managed to scrounge up two peanut butter sandwiches. 

“Here,” she said, brusquely offering the second sandwich to Ben as she sank into the cushion on the opposite end of the couch.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise, but took the food. 

“Thank you,” he murmured, and Rey felt the sincerity in his words.

Ben  _ inhaled  _ the sandwich. 

Hunger was an old friend of Rey’s, so she couldn’t fault him for his lack of etiquette, and it  _ was  _ conceivable that over twenty four hours might have passed since Ben had last eaten. Disgust at the thought of what his last meal might have been mingled with pity and more than a little shame at not offering him food sooner. 

The food in her mouth suddenly turned to ash. “What do werewolves eat?”

Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath, which he exhaled out in a long sigh. “What any wolf would eat.”

“Like…?”

“Other animals. Anything that has meat.”

“So, last night…”

He grimaced and shook his head. “Please, Rey.”

“No. Tell me.”

“Rats.”

_ “What?” _

He took a while to respond, swallowing a few times. “I have to eat something to survive.”

“Oh my God.” A shiver rioted up her spine and down her arms, the fine hair on her skin standing on end. Eager to change the subject, she asked, “How did you… um… become a werewolf?”

“I was bitten.” He said it with a flat finality that told her he didn’t want to discuss it any further.

“How long ago?”

Hunching his shoulders and pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed again. “I was fourteen.”

“How old are you now?” 

He was quiet and still for a few breaths. “I don’t know.”

“How could you not know?” 

Rey could easily read the strain her interrogation was causing Ben’s patience, and when he answered, his frustration was audible.

“Time just… passes different for an animal. Years don’t matter to a wolf. Only food, the pack.”

_ “Pack? _ There’s a pack of werewolves in the city?!”

“No, I… got separated from them.”

A thinly veiled half-truth, if Rey had ever heard one. “What happened?” she pressed.

An eye twitch and a jaw clench. “I don’t remember.”

“You’re a really bad liar,” Rey informed him, his nervous tics a dead give away.

His silence was confirmation enough, and Rey allowed the continued quiet to settle between them, retreating into her own thoughts. The man sitting on the other side of her couch was a real threat to her, no matter which angle she viewed it from. He was a stranger, a fucking  _ werewolf, _ and far larger and stronger than she was. Every objective fact of the situation screamed  _ danger. _ The strangest part of it all though, the part she had the most trouble understanding, was that no instinct told her to fear him. 

Sneaking a glance from the corner of her eye, the only vibe she caught from him was a sense of sadness, of loneliness, and these were old familiar friends of hers, too. 

She would lock her bedroom door before laying down that night. She would keep her pepper spray underneath her pillow, and sleep with her phone well within easy reach. Precautions would be taken to ensure her safety—she only had herself to rely on, and it had always been that way.

Even so, the familiar chord of sorrow he struck in her echoed throughout the apartment well into the night, and the last question on Rey’s mind before sleep pulled her under was:  _ did he hear it, too? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few pressing questions have been addressed, which I'm sure some of my readers appreciate!
> 
> There are many more yet unanswered! You must suffer with me. 
> 
> (ﾉಠ_ಠ)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunday.

As she lay awake in bed the following morning, Rey mentally steeled herself for the several challenges she had to face that day. The first, her empty stomach, even now grumbling its discontent. Off-brand Cheerios and milk dangerously nearing its expiration date were the answer to that particular problem, although not a long-lasting solution by any means. She _ really _needed to go grocery shopping, but that, along with certain other tasks, would have to wait until Thursday.

The second challenge was coming to terms with her upcoming shift at the pawn shop for which she was obligated to leave her lovely, warm bed. Her boss was a jackass, but a jackass that offered her discounted rent for working minimum wage at his sleazy store—incentive enough for Rey to rationalize each eight hour day wasted there. The best way to deal with work was to take the day in baby steps. 

Wriggle out of her soft blankets and place her feet on the cold floor, step one. Walk to the bathroom and take care of standard business, step two. Try to savor her paltry breakfast, step three. 

The third challenge of the day was certain to throw a hiccup into the routine, and as Rey approached her small dining table with her food, the assumption proved to be true.

Even shitty apartments like hers had moments of beauty, and Ben’s broad shoulders silhouetted against the morning sunlight peeking its way through a gap in the buildings across the street was one of them. His back faced her, his hand running through his hair as he gazed downward at whatever activity her neighborhood had to offer on an early Sunday morning, which couldn’t have been much. A fierce longing washed over Rey that had nothing to do with Ben himself, and everything to do with the fleeting nature of such peaceful pauses like this.

She sat down at the table slowly, quietly, committing every picturesque shadow and highlight to memory, but her chair scuffed against the floor and he turned at the noise.

With a tentative smile for a greeting, he sat on the couch and waited.

“I have to go to work today,” she mumbled, then shoveled a spoonful of cereal in her mouth.

“Oh,” he said, retreating into his thoughts. After a few more spoonfuls, he asked, “Are you an artist?”

Rey snorted derisively. “No.” At his crestfallen face, she added a bit more gently, “Why?”

“Your sketchbooks,” he answered, gesturing toward the cardboard box filled with them and other various art supplies, shoved into a dusty corner of the apartment, all but forgotten. 

Rey’s cheek colored. “I, uh, used to be in art school.” He didn’t inquire further, but the silence left hanging in the air between them prompted her to continue. “Until… I couldn’t afford it anymore. So, I… had to drop out.” Bitterness punctuated each word. She let the spoon fall into her bowl loudly, her appetite suddenly gone. “Sold my soul to a pawnbroker, and now I have a werewolf for a roommate, so I’d say things things are going pretty well for me at this point.” She cleared her throat and rose from her seat. “Speaking of which, I should probably get going. Help yourself to whatever there is to eat. I would, uh… check expiration dates. Yeah.”

Rey went back to her room to get dressed, then grabbed her keys and put on her coat. Before closing the door behind her, she remembered she had someone staying behind for once in her life, and a small sting of guilt at leaving him there all day prompted from her one last measure of social propriety. 

“Bye,” she said quickly.

“Bye,” he returned.

And she shut the door.

* * *

Eight and a half hours later, Rey struggled with her keys in the lock and swore violently under her breath, before finally wrestling her apartment door open and tearing her coat off, stomping into the kitchen and reaching automatically for the handle of vodka she reserved for the weeks she couldn’t afford to go out. 

The sight of Ben in her kitchen making a peanut butter sandwich stopped her dead in her tracks. 

The scene of casual domesticity—this man, in her too-small robe, making _ dinner— _caught her somewhere between the ribs, a sharp pang that made breathing difficult and speech almost impossible.

Ben had paused and turned toward her, gauging her reaction.

“Hi,” she muttered, grabbing the large bottle from its shelf and setting it on the counter, avoiding Ben’s questioning stare. Moving to the freezer, she was disappointed but unsurprised to find no ice cubes in the ice cube tray, and more dissatisfied by the lack of any type of juice in the refrigerator below. “Shit.”

Well, none of that had ever stopped her before. Somewhere in these cupboards was a bag of store-brand chips, and they worked as a substitute chaser in a pinch. 

Chips found, she rifled around in a drawer for a shot glass and deftly downed two shots before popping open the bag and crunching down on a handful. Shoulders finally relaxing, she suddenly remembered Ben.

“Shitty day. You want one?” she asked, sheepish for forgetting him standing right there.

He shook his head and returned to his sandwich, cutting it in half diagonally, every slice of the knife slow and deliberate. 

After that, things got fuzzy.

Time fast forwarded to night and the slurring of her uncooperative tongue. 

“I’m _ not _afraid of you.”

Ben, his face so close to hers, gaze intent, a sparkle of genuine humor in his eyes. “No?”

Woozily typing something into the Youtube search bar on her phone and swearing at her clumsy fingers.

Bathroom tile, cold on her knees. Toilet rim, the only solid thing in a whirling room. Hair held back. Acrid burn of vomit, the sound of her retching and the splash as it hit the water.

Then, nothing.

* * *

First, warmth. Second, a jackhammer drilling into her skull. 

Rey groaned and shifted slightly, every inch of movement another dull blow to her aching head. Her tongue felt like sandpaper, and she tried to bury her face deeper into her pillow, but the unfamiliar shape and consistency of it forced her suffering brain into more action than it was prepared to perform. Raising her head incrementally, the quick discovery of a man’s thick thigh under her cheek sent her reeling backward, headache be damned.

Ben’s big, warm hand fell from where it had been resting on her shoulder, and even as Rey scrambled away she saw him jolt awake at her frantic escape. She tore off the blanket draped over her and noticed peripherally that she still had on the exact same clothes she had worn to work yesterday.

“What the fuck happened.” It was a demand more than a question.

Still in a state of relative shock from the abrupt awakening and rubbing his eyes, Ben said, “You drank half a bottle of liquor.”

“What _ happened?” _ she persisted, worry clawing at her air pipe.

“You… danced a lot, and played a bunch of loud Spanish music,” Ben explained, waving his hand vaguely at the space in front of him. “Then you... you threw up, and fell asleep.”

“We didn’t… we didn’t…” She couldn’t make the words come out.

Ben shrugged his shoulders, suddenly uncomfortable. “You asked me to stay with you.”

“I… what?”

“You wouldn’t let me leave. I tried,” he explained, sounding a little helpless.

“I don’t… I…” Rey grabbed at her phone on the kitchen table and tried to unlock the screen, but it was dead. “Fuck, what time is it?” 

Zooming to her bedroom, she opened her ancient laptop and pressed the spacebar. _ 9:45 AM. _She was a half-hour late for work.

“No,” she breathed, already running to the door for her keys. Without a second thought, she locked and slammed the door behind her. In her rush she forgot her coat, but not the wounded look on Ben’s face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monday evening and Tuesday morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to post a chapter early! Yay *:･ﾟ✧
> 
> (Also I realized that my chapters are like, super short. Figured I'd give you all just a little more to tide you over until next week 😘)

  


  


Nightfall always brought a bitter chill to the streets of the inner city, and Rey’s hands were shaking with the cold as she fought to slide her key into the lock, finally home from a long day made longer when her boss forced her to stay late to make up for her tardiness. The delay was a welcome one—there were several conversations waiting for her behind the door that she would avoid altogether if it was an option.

Like most things in her life, it wasn’t.

Making a beeline for the bathroom, Rey thawed out her toes and fingers with a hot shower, continuing to stubbornly ignore the situation most likely waiting patiently for her on the couch in her living room. 

On his favorite cushion, on the side of the couch closest to the radiator. In his little robe. Maybe his head resting in his hands, maybe just as anxious as she was.

Clearing the mental image from her mind with a shake of her head, she put on her pajamas and tiptoed to the kitchen, grabbing the last granola bar in the cupboard for dinner and finally trudging out to the living room and sitting down at her table.

There he sat, right where he always did, this time paging through one of the old art history textbooks she didn’t have the heart to sell back, even if it would give her a little extra cash if she did. 

When their eyes met, there was no judgment in his gaze, no expectancy, only the simple acknowledgment of her presence. At the small smile he flashed at her before returning to the book in his lap, the tight coil of anxiety in Rey’s belly loosened just a pinch. 

In one go, Rey pushed the words out, just to be done with them. “I’m sorry about last night. I don’t even remember most of it.”

He nodded.

“Were you… were you in the bathroom when I—”

Another nod. 

Rey hung her head and bit her lip, fighting back shameful tears at the hazy memory of hands holding her hair back. It was perfectly fine for Rey to have to deal with the consequences of her bullshit, but it _ wasn’t _ fine for Ben to feel roped into it, too.

Drawing her knees close to her chest, she whispered, “I’m sorry. You didn’t have to do that.”

“What _ do _you remember?” Ben asked, hesitatingly.

Rey winced. “Not much. Why?”

She watched as he pieced together what he wanted to say. “You treated me like before. When I was a wolf.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were…” He cleared his throat nervously and gestured at the space between them. “Closer.”

“Well, I was drunk. I wasn’t exactly worried about personal space,” she shot back, immediately on the defense.

The ache, so plain in the stare he pinned her with, pierced Rey to the quick.

“Like I said, I’m sorry,” Rey bit out, a little more caustic than she meant to be. 

Something in Ben deflated and he looked away.

The room was suddenly stifling, and Rey almost ran to her bedroom, locking the door. A shard of pain jabbed her deep in the chest, restricting her air. She crawled under her covers and counted her breaths, forcing herself to focus on slowing her heart beat. It would be a long time before she fell asleep.

* * *

Rey woke up earlier than usual, but instead of soldiering through her mental preparation to just get through the day, her thoughts turned instead to what exactly the word_ ‘closer’ _meant.

If it was to be taken at the most basic, literal level, it could be that all she did was sit nearer to Ben on the sofa. Which wasn’t a big deal at all, except the word _ ‘closer’ _ didn’t differentiate between specific degrees of nearness. 

From that springboard, it could be surmised that she might have been very close to him, indeed. Close enough for their shoulders to touch? Her heart skipped a beat at that.

What if she _ had _ touched him? Reached out and let her fingers run through his hair? Experience whispered to her that it would be every bit as lovely and soft as his black fur had been. What if he had _ liked _it? And if he had then turned that penetrating gaze on her, that classic _ look _of his that simultaneously heated her from the inside out and froze her in place? Drunk Rey would have probably kissed him, tossing inhibition out the window, along with every remaining ounce of personal dignity. Not to say there was much of that to begin with, but...still.

It would be a pity if all that had happened and sober Rey couldn’t remember it, because in her mind’s eye, that kiss would have been amazing. It was so easy to forget that Ben was a werewolf when he seemed so much a _ man. _

The more likely truth of it all sank like a stone in her belly. She had probably been annoying and clingy. He had even said he tried to leave her alone, but she didn’t let him. If it wasn’t for the small detail of not owning any clothes, he probably would have left her apartment a long time ago.

In a state of despondence, Rey set about the morning routine. Wriggle out of blankets, check, feet to cold floor, check. Go to the bathroom, check. On to the kitchen for breakfast. The prior ten minutes Rey had spent daydreaming and convincing herself of unpalatable truths left her a little surprised to actually see Ben in the kitchen when she padded out to it, pouring himself a bowl of cereal. 

“Wait!” Rey panicked, reaching out and pushing against the arm that was about to pour the milk. “Did you check if it went bad?”

“It’s still good,” he reassured her, his deep voice a steadying thing in itself. 

“Did you smell it to be sure?” she pressed, prying his fingers off the jug.

“It smells fine,” he said, fighting playfully to keep the jug in his grip. “You’re going to spill it—” He hoisted the jug up and out of Rey’s reach.

She stood up on her tiptoes and stretched. “You didn’t even check, I _ saw _you—”

All at once, it was abundantly clear just how _ close _ Rey was to Ben _ now, _ and she retreated, his lopsided grin fading away just as quickly. 

“I… I can smell things from farther away than you can,” he said in an apologetic tone.

She nodded and hugged herself, dazed, before peeking up at him from the corner of her eyes. “Can you save some for me?”

“This bowl is yours,” he replied enthusiastically, now offering her the milk. 

She took it, and when she stepped toward the counter, Ben obligingly moved away.

“Do you work today?” he murmured.

“Yeah.” Rey checked her phone screen. “I have to go soon.”

She shoveled the cereal into her mouth and got her things together, about to close the door when Ben asked:

“When will you be back?”

Rey chewed her lip. “It depends on the trains, but probably five thirty.”

A nod. “See you then.”

“Yeah, see you then.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tuesday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thousand apologies for having to skip last week! I had familial obligations over the holidays. I'm posting a little early to hopefully make up for it 😁
> 
> Also, please be aware that the tags have been updated, and proceed reading with that in mind.

The listless hours at work ticked away minute by minute, the seemingly endless drag punctuated only by the rare customer, the boss’s scummy friends occasionally sauntering in and out of the back room, and Rey’s own private musings.

She had already swept behind the counter, wiped down the grimy glass cases, and performed the daily inventory checks, and now she was left to man the register. A daunting task in itself, but only because it was mind-numbingly dull.

Twisting idly on the squeaky stool behind the counter, Rey amused herself by imagining what Ben might be doing in her absence. Reading more of her art history textbook, perhaps—it was dry stuff to most people, although Rey had unabashedly loved every class.

Those memories were tinged with more bitter than sweet these days, so she quickly changed tack. It occurred to her soon thereafter that her apartment lacked abysmally in the way of entertainment. She didn’t own a TV, and even if she had one, cable would have been wildly beyond her budget’s capabilities. Besides her textbooks and old art supplies, the only thing she could really offer him was the use of her laptop.

That thought made her squirm in her seat. She knew what she often used that laptop for, and where it was perfectly perched on her night stand for optimal screen visualization from her bed. It had also been a long time since she had bothered to clear her browser history. What if Ben used it the same way?

She leaned over the counter and scanned the pawn shop premises, despite not having seen a single living soul entering for a solid forty-five minutes, irrationally fearful that the nature of her thoughts might somehow be broadcast to the outside world. Satisfied that she was alone, she sat back down, the ancient, cracked plastic that covered the stool creaking under her.

What if he had done it without… without the laptop? While she was gone?

Cheeks burning, she allowed herself one last thought on the subject before shutting it down and willfully pretending it had never crossed her mind—

_ Had he done it thinking of her? _

* * *

The welcoming scent of _ food _had Rey salivating the second she walked in the door of her apartment. Not even stopping to take off her coat, she headed straight for the kitchen, led by the delicious smells coming from it.

Ben stood at the sink, draining the water from a pot of ramen, a pan of sauteed onions still sizzling on the stove, but he briefly smiled at her over his shoulder when she entered.

“Oh my God,” Rey breathed, her empty stomach twisting on itself.

Ben turned in full to face her, worry furrowing his brows. “I just found some stuff lying around, I figured—”

“It smells _ amazing,” _ Rey interrupted, finally thinking to remove her coat and hang it by the door.

“It’s almost done. I couldn’t find any plates, though…”

Rey knew for a fact that there were none. 

“I don’t bother usually,” she fibbed. “Less dishes to wash that way.”

He shrugged and stirred in the ramen seasoning packet and slid the onions in as well. Rey’s body almost hummed in tantalized anticipation, and she grabbed two forks for them as Ben brought the steaming pot over to the table and placed it on an old dish-towel.

Rey tore into the food, her eyes rolling back in her head at the incredible taste. 

“This is the best dinner I’ve had in weeks,” Rey praised around a mouthful of noodles.

Ben sat quietly on the opposite side of the table, just a little too far away to reach the food, but offered her a small smile of appreciation.

“Here, scooch over,” Rey offered, suddenly all too aware that she was single-handedly demolishing an entire meal obviously meant for two. 

Dragging his chair to share the corner with Rey, he ate in silence. They found a rhythm of sharing the pot, and the warmth that blossomed in Rey’s belly didn’t only have to do with the first hot meal she’d had in a long time. Sharing was… nice.

Having someone to share _ with _was even better.

* * *

Under normal circumstances, Rey would have left the pot and pan in the sink for at _ least _ three days before bothering to wash them, but she had been seized by the sudden urge to mercilessly scour them as soon as she had eaten the last bite of noodles, practically ripping Ben’s fork out of his hands and stomping into the kitchen to complete the chore.

The quiet comfort of their shared meal together was then eclipsed by a more awkward silence as Rey finally sat down on the opposite end of the couch, dishes drying spotlessly by the sink.

“So…” Rey started, floundering for something, _ anything _ to say, her cheeks already heating up in a furious blush. “Were you in a fight or… or something?”

Ben cast a simultaneously confused and wary glance in her direction.

“The notch. In your ear,” Rey clarified, pointing to her own.

He grimaced, raising his hand protectively over his ear, and Rey watched as he cringed, pulling deep breaths in through his nose. She got an unnerving impression that Ben wasn’t _ there _ with her at all.

“Ben?” When there was no visible response, Rey reached over and nudged his shoulder. “Hey!”

He snarled and _ snapped _ at her arm. With his teeth, like a dog.

She sprung away immediately, instinctively cradling her unharmed arm to her chest. “What the_ fuck?” _

“Don’t do that,” he choked out, his eyes refocusing, his hand still wrapped around his ear.

“You almost just bit me.” The truth of it hit her like a ten-ton stone, and all that one bite might have meant, narrowly avoided as it was.

“I—it was just a warning, I didn’t mean… it wouldn’t have broken skin—”

“You mother_fucker.” _

His hands were shaking now, real fear in every tense muscle of his body, and Rey found her hands were trembling, too. She jumped up from the couch and backed away several strides, needing more space between them.

“What the fuck just happened?” Rey demanded, hating the quaver in her voice.

He fisted his hands in his hair, refusing to answer. It only made her angrier to see him falling apart in front of her.

_ “Answer _ me, Ben!”

“It has to be saliva to blood. That’s the only way to get it,” he muttered to the floor.

“Good to know. Now tell me what the fuck just happened.”

“Nothing… nothing.”

“How can you say that? You just went all fucking spacey and then tried to bite me!”

“What do you want from me, Rey?” He finally looked up at her, pleading with her for something Rey couldn’t name.

She didn’t have the answer to that question. So instead, she walked into her room and locked the door behind her. Again.

* * *

Sleep was fitful and sparse. Rey struggled with checking her phone for the time, the urge to know how many more hours of sleep she might get warring with the intense desire not to be horribly disappointed with the knowledge. She tossed and turned, unable to find a modicum of comfort in her usually warm and inviting bed, and the moments of sleep she did catch were plagued by strange dreams she couldn’t quite recall on waking.

When a strangled, _ “No!” _ and a resounding _ thud _ shattered the quiet of the ungodly hours of the morning, Rey was up in a flash, her pepper spray in hand.

Pulse bounding with adrenaline, Rey tried to control her ragged breathing, unlocking her bedroom door as silently as possible and tiptoeing through the apartment, but when she reached the living room, the only movement she could detect in the faint moonlight was Ben struggling to pick himself up off the floor, the only sound his own labored breathing and a groan of pain.

“Are you all right?” Rey asked, turning on a lamp which bathed the room in a soft light.

Another groan as Ben sat down on the couch. “Just a dream,” he said, rubbing his face with hands that still shook.

Rey stood where she was, chilly in her pajama shorts and bare feet, listening to his breathing slow.

Maybe it was because she was overtired and her defenses were low, but the abject misery emanating from the man in front of her struck that chord of sorrow hidden deep inside her. It was all too familiar.

It hurt, seeing a pain so similar to hers. The only difference was that Rey had always been alone, whether she was sleeping on a nest of blankets in a closet, or on a cot in a large room shared with dozens of other strangers, or any of the other places she had laid her head down to sleep in her lifetime. Then, there had only been the pressing weight of darkness and the feeble illusion of protection her imagination could provide.

Now, there was someone else, who maybe didn’t have to feel so alone.

“When I had nightmares… when I was little… I would try to imagine my perfect paradise to help me get back to sleep,” Rey said softly, haltingly. “Sometimes it was a cloud city… sometimes an island, with big ocean waves…” She swallowed dryly, wrapping her arms around herself. “Sometimes it helped.”

Ben only nodded.

Against her better judgment, Rey walked over and sat next to Ben, reaching out her arm and gingerly rubbing his shoulder.

At first he tensed, and Rey almost withdrew, but then he sighed and relaxed under her fingers. A few seconds passed in that way, a sense of calm softly settling on Rey.

He startled her by gently grabbing her wrist, but when she tugged against him, he murmured, “I won’t hurt you.”

Rey’s nerves were on high alert, but his grip wasn’t tight or controlling, and she allowed him to place her hand lightly on his cheek and lean into her palm, turning his head slightly to bring his nose to her wrist. He inhaled deeply.

“Rey,” he breathed.

He said her name like it was a prayer.

Before she knew what her feet were doing, she was already closing the door of her bedroom and sliding down to the ground, biting into the meat of her hand to stifle the sobs that tore at her throat.

The only comprehensible thought that ran through her head until she fell asleep crying was, _ I can’t do this. I can’t do this. _


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wednesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, guys, what a rough month it's already been. Prepare yourselves for a brief but extremely melodramatic chapter that I wrote in between shifts of overtime. And don't judge me too harshly--I was tired when I wrote it lol

By the time Rey made it to the train station the next morning, she was already soaked to the skin by a deluge of rain. Even if she had bothered to check the forecast on her phone before stepping out of her apartment building, it wouldn’t have mattered—she had never owned an umbrella in her life. 

The downpour steadily worsened during the course of the day, and Rey watched with growing consternation through the pawn shop’s small windows as the sky darkened and the rain turned torrential. Not a single person entered the shop other than herself that day and Rey’s only preoccupation was whether or not the train tunnels would eventually flood.

They didn’t, it turned out, but it didn’t make the trek home any easier or more comfortable. It was difficult to tell if it was thunder she heard outside or just the rumble of the train on the tracks, but having to wonder did nothing to alleviate her anxiety.

Hair plastered to her head and socks squelching unpleasantly in her shoes, Rey finally stepped off the elevator and threw open the door to her apartment. On hearing her storming in, Ben rose from his seat on the couch but then froze in shock at seeing her in such a state. 

“Shower,” Rey muttered, almost more to herself than to Ben, and she charged into the bathroom, her pale hands uncooperative with the damp cold that had seeped into her joints as she tried to turn on the water. 

Once finished showering, Rey lingered, brushing her teeth far more diligently than she normally would, even flossing for the first time in weeks before turning the doorknob as silently as she could and peeking through the sliver of an opening to verify the short pathway from the bathroom to her bedroom was clear. She only had her towel on, after all, but the more pressing reason for slipping away unnoticed was her deep desire to avoid the intense discomfort any conversation was sure to bring should she and Ben encounter one another.

He was pacing back and forth, hands running distractedly through his hair. His footfalls, heavier than Rey’s own on the floor, were an oddly comforting sound, but she shoved that thought away and waited until he disappeared from view. The second he did, Rey bolted.

She crossed all of three steps before he stopped her with two words.

“Rey, wait.”

Turning slowly on her heel, her cheeks flushed in tandem with Ben’s as his gaze raked over state of undress. He refused to let it deter him.

“I need to tell you something.”

She cringed, and instantly the ninth circle of hell was preferable to whatever this was going to be. Hugging herself and staring at the floor, she nodded. 

“You asked me how this…” He drifted off, but gestured to his torn ear. “My pack turned against me. Drove me out. I wouldn’t let them add another member to the pack. I couldn’t—I couldn’t let them bite another kid. That’s what they wanted. A  _ kid.” _ His jaw worked, swallowing hard as he fought with his words. “My mind replays it over and over.” A shuddering inhale, eyes now glassy with unshed tears. “It’s like I’m living it again. And I can’t escape.” 

Speechless, Rey could only stare at him, at the trembling of his chin, at the defeated slope of his broad shoulders. 

“Thank you for telling me,” Rey heard herself say mechanically, her mouth working faster than her brain was processing. There was more that needed to be said, needed to be done—Rey’s body ached with knowing it, her arms wanting to reach out to him of their own accord and wrap themselves around him and hold all those broken pieces together that were so hauntingly like her own. Instead, she blurted out, “Good night,” and crossed the remaining distance to her bedroom.

This time, she didn’t immediately close her door all the way. Leaving that tiny sliver open once again, Rey watched wide-eyed as Ben crumpled, his teeth gritting in a grimace and hands fisting in his dark hair. A strangled sob escaped him, and then he flicked his eyes up to Rey’s door and saw her. She gasped and slammed it shut, but not before she saw the tortured hope and hurt on his face.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thursday, and Rey gets paid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some readers are despairing of a HEA for this story, so just to be clear--there absolutely IS a happy ending. Because I love happy endings. But also to be very clear--things get a little worse first. With that in mind, carry on.

The hollow ache pressing on Rey’s chest was the first sensation to greet her when she surfaced from sleep, well before her alarm clock rang. Closing her eyes, she waited for a dreamless slumber to claim her again, but it proved to be fruitless. The majority of the night had been spent tossing and turning, and to Rey’s mind she had only just truly fallen asleep when her body decided to wake.

Exiting the bed at this hour was unthinkable, so she lay in the warmth of her blankets for a good while, but even their usually comforting heat couldn’t penetrate past her skin to ease that cold emptiness inside.

Rey didn’t move a muscle until it was almost certain she would be late for work, and then raced through her morning routine. Under the pretense of tardiness, she could safely avoid all contact with the man in her living room.

As she locked the door behind her, the tumult within her grew into a roaring din of loaded emotions. Angrily berating herself for not having more control over them, she growled in frustration as she punched the button for the elevator. Envisioning a box in her head, she fought against all the rising accusations and internal arguments and shoved them down inside that box, kicking it into a shadowy corner of her mind—where it _ belonged. _

The work day passed sluggishly, the dragging time spent by creating tasks when her boss’ demands were summarily completed, but no amount of distraction was enough to free her entirely from that dreadful ache in her chest, or from the occasional burst of thought or feeling that escaped from that damned box in the back of her mind.

Even as evening fell, as it always did so quickly in the inner city, and Rey strode into the nearest general store after her shift with a newly cashed check, she resolutely stuck to the mantra: _ don’t think, just do. _

Her mind was carefully blank on the train ride home, on the walk to her building from the station, on the elevator ride up to her floor. Still blank on unlocking her door, entering, and laying down several plastic bags on her little table.

“Here,” she said to Ben without looking at him.

Standing slowly and approaching the table with a wary stride, Ben rifled through the bags and pulled out a pair of extra large sweatpants, a hoodie, a pair of cheap sneakers, and a bag of t-shirts.

“Thanks,” he said curtly, ripping open the package of t-shirts and taking one out. “You can keep the rest of these. I’ll only need one."

His icy tone struck her. It was unfamiliar.

“Fine,” she said, equally as frosty.

Ben gave a small _ tch _ of annoyance and grabbed the remaining clothes before stomping off to the bathroom.

Crossing her arms and waiting, Rey assumed a haughty air, telling herself that he had no right to be pissed off at her. She had upheld her end of the bargain, after all.

When he returned, the tension in the air grew taut, a pregnant silence stretching between them. He wanted to speak, Rey could read it in the way his jaw worked, in his restlessly clenching hands, but he held back. As for herself, there was probably plenty to say—_good luck, stay safe, let me know if you need anything— _but Rey’s mouth was glued shut.

Then he turned for the door. Rey hugged herself and held her breath, squeezing her eyes closed.

“Rey, I…” he started quietly.

She stilled, her senses straining against the silence left by those two words, but all she heard then was a deep sigh and the click of the door latch sliding into place behind him.

That sound echoed inside her, its terrible finality reminding her of other sounds like it: the closing of a coffin lid and the thump of dirt falling on it from a height; a car door slamming shut, its engine starting, and the crunching of gravel as it sped away; a school advisor quietly closing a manila envelope and saying, _ ‘I’m sorry, Rey.’ _

She couldn’t breathe. Choking on sobs that tore out of her throat, her knees met the floor, the hollow space opening up inside her, becoming a crushing vise that squeezed the air out of her lungs. It was ugly and it _ hurt _ as she gasped through the incredible pain.

Something important had just been lost. Forever.

* * *

Ungracefully descending the last steps into the train station, Rey cursed loudly as she nearly dropped her phone while pulling it out of her purse to check the time, only catching it at the last second. Hardly able to focus her swimming vision on the bright screen, she managed to make out _ 12:55 AM _ and huffed in relief.

Missing the one o’clock train would have been hitting rock bottom. Her entire paycheck was gone, blown on two nights of drinking and dancing. She had no idea how much she had spent Friday night, but had decided early Saturday afternoon that she might as well get the most out of her bank before Monday arrived and they processed the overdraw.

She didn’t care about the money anymore. It was far more necessary that the world around her fade into a spinning parade of lights and noise and bodies, so that she could properly ignore the black emptiness inside, that hole in her chest that had appeared with the click of a door latch and hadn’t gone away.

The consequences were still so far away, as far away as Monday morning, and it was only logical for Rey to have a good time while she could.

The only trouble was, the alcohol wasn’t working. The expected numbing effects were nowhere near as potent as they should have been. All the hurt should have been gone, superseded by that familiar floating, buzzing happiness, but no matter how much Rey drank, the hurt was still there. And she wasn’t happy at all.

The train flew down the tracks at exactly 1:01 AM, brakes screeching as it slowed to take on passengers. Rey wobbled into the nearest car and sat heavily on the plastic seat, ordering herself to keep an eye on the stops so she wouldn’t miss hers.

Ultimately successful, she made her way down the street that led to her building. At some point she attempted to pull her pepper spray out of her bag, but her fingers were practically useless and for the life of her couldn’t make her eyes focus enough to even locate it, so she quickly gave up.

It wasn’t long after that the brunt force of the alcohol hit her. Stomach rolling, she aimed for the nearest alleyway and clung to the brick corner of the building as her stomach emptied itself of the intoxicants she had poured into it all over the pavement. Her throat and mouth burned, the acrid taste of berry-flavored vodka stinging far worse coming up than it had going down.

She remained where she was, shaking and unsure if she had the strength in her legs to make it home.

An inhuman, rumbling growl sounded from somewhere behind her, then a muttered, _ “Holy shit!” _

She whirled around as quickly as her trembling body would allow, only to see an enormous black dog facing down a strange male holding a knife in the shadows cast by the streetlight. The man threw Rey one fearful glance before sprinting in the opposite direction, his sneakers slapping the concrete loudly.

The dog’s hackles were raised, still watching the running man as he fled and baring his fangs in a snarl that made Rey’s blood run cold.

Struggling to find her voice, she whispered, “Ben?”

He immediately softened and turned to face her, head low, softly whining.

Rey held out a shaking hand to him and watched him hesitantly approach and sniff her. The little puffs of warm breath were like knives to her heart, and when he licked her hand she fell to her knees and embraced him. Unable to stop from burying her face in the thick, warm fur of his neck and bawling, she felt her heart breaking over and over again.

“Please,” she choked out through a drunken sob. “Please come home with me.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To reiterate, THIS IS A HEA. Some of the lines that occur in this chapter hit a little differently now that TROS is out (there aren't any spoilers though, obviously), but I decided to keep what I had written as it originally was.
> 
> Wishing all a joyful and peaceful remainder of the holiday season, and let us remember to be bringers of light and love into the new year.

Rey’s tongue was like sandpaper and the muscles in her shoulders screamed against the hardwood floor. Uncomfortable but familiar, Rey shrugged those sensations away. This wasn’t the first time she had woken up hungover on a floor, but the incredible heat emanating from the body now flush to her back was entirely new.

Taking a few seconds to process the information, she froze when she remembered exactly what had happened last night.

Ben was back, and no longer a dog.

She tore out of his embrace, her stockings slipping on the floor as she scrambled away and her heart pounding so loudly against her ribcage she swore Ben would hear it.

Sleepily groaning and stretching his long body, Ben brought his hand to his face. When the skin of his fingers touched his cheek he reacted sharply to it, flinching and frantically scanning the rest of his body as if to confirm that, yes, he was indeed a human again.

His eyes found hers almost immediately.

“Rey?”

She gasped, bringing a hand to her mouth even as a sob threatened to tear out of her throat.

On his feet in an instant, he clutched the blanket that had been covering them around his waist, distracted only a moment with it before turning back to her and stepping forward.

“No,” Rey whispered, backing away.

Something broke in him.

“Why?”

Rey could only shake her head and fight against the tears.

“Why are you doing this?” he demanded. “Why are you pushing me away?” 

“I didn’t ask for this,” Rey choked out.

“You practically dragged me here by my scruff last night—”

“You should leave,” she interjected shakily.

“No, don’t do this. Don’t send me away!”

“What do you want from me?!” she yelled back, matching his rising pitch.

“I just want to _ be _ with you, Rey! God, why are you doing this to yourself?”

“You don’t know me!” she screamed, her hands now in tight fists at her sides.

“Because you’re not _ letting _ me!” He took a shaky breath to calm himself and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What is the fucking point of all this,” Rey lamented more quietly to her ceiling.

He rounded on her. “What’s _ the point? _ Are you kidding me?”

“Get out before I call the police.”

“I’ve heard that one before.”

“I’m warning you—”

“No,” he growled. “I’m not watching you from alleyways anymore while you—” he cut himself off.

“While I _ what?” _ she spat, teeth bared.

“While you destroy yourself.”

_ “Fuck _you. I never asked for your help!”

“Rey. Don’t make me leave again. I won’t come back next time.”

“We both—I _ never—” _

“If that’s what you really want, tell me to go right now and I will. Is that what you want? You want me to leave and never come back?”

She couldn’t say anything, couldn’t move a muscle.

“What do you want? You need to _ say it.” _

The tears began afresh as she shook her head, hugging herself tightly.

“What do you want?” he persisted, enunciating each word.

“I don’t—I can’t—”

“Rey,” he said warningly.

“You’re… you’re too good,” she relented in a gasp through convulsive sobs.

This gave him pause. “What?”

“You don’t belong here. In my life. You’re too good.” She covered her face and wept.

“No.”

Rey looked up at him through a curtain of tears.

“That’s not true,” he insisted.

“Y-yes, it is!”

“No.” He closed the distance between them slowly and gently pulled her to him.

She broke. His bare skin, so soft and warm, tore her apart at the seams. Leaning into it, she reveled in the touch that was hers alone for a short while. It was better to have him once and briefly than not at all.

Ben held her tight until the tears dried up, and when she began to hiccup, he pushed her shoulders back just enough so he could look at her.

“Come on, let’s get washed up."

Sniffling, she nodded her assent and allowed him to usher her to the bathroom. There was barely enough room for the both of them in it, but the lack of space between them didn’t bother her.

He led her first to the sink, rubbing her back as she brushed her teeth, then turning on the shower and checking the water to make sure it was warm enough.

“Arms up,” he said softly.

Rey obeyed, and watched with wide eyes as he lifted the hem of her loose dress up and over her head. Setting it neatly on the counter, he lifted his eyes to her bra, then up to her face in question.

“Will you take that off for me?”

Again she did as he asked, pulling it off and handing it to him. He laid the lacy piece down on top of the dress, and got down on his knees before her, lifting another questioning look up to her for her consent to let him deal with her pantyhose. Another nod from her.

He slid his fingers under the edge of the black nylon situated on her hips and rolled them down, catching the hem of her underwear in the process and sliding both down her legs. Lifting each foot up and out of the fabric separately, he then stood and set them aside on the counter as well.

Even as her skin prickled with the cool air hitting her utterly naked body, Rey’s blood heated from the inside out and a hot flush brushed across her face.

“Tell me when you’re done, Ben murmured, gesturing to the shower that already had begun to steam up the tiny room.

The slight disappointment that he would not be showering with her was immediately overshadowed by the welcome heat of the hot water.

She lathered and washed, working quickly but not rushing. When she was done, she poked her head out from behind the shower curtain to see if he had left. He had not.

“I’m done,” Rey told him sheepishly.

“Here,” Ben replied, holding out a dry towel. “Don’t turn the water off.”

Disappointment hit her a little harder then, but she took the proffered towel and exited the shower even as he stepped into it.

Drying off and heading to her bedroom, she put on a set of comfortable pajamas, already feeling the exhaustion of staying up late and sleeping drunk, not to mention the minor emotional meltdown she had just experienced not even twenty minutes prior.

The blankets weren’t warm from her body heat yet, but she was snuggling into them, certain they would be soon, when Ben crossed the threshold of the doorway.

Nothing could have prepared her to have all of Ben Solo in her bedroom, but what surprised her the most was his absolute nonchalance with his physical bearing. Not a scrap of clothing to be had on him, Rey’s face flushed again when presented with his entirely masculine body. It was only a quick glimpse before he made his way over to the bed and climbed onto it, crawling under the blankets with Rey and burying his face in the soft skin of her stomach, his arms wrapping loosely around her waist.

It was so unexpected, so exactly opposite of any situation she might have imagined that might begin with a naked man striding into her room with such a determined air, but she allowed the moment to sink in. Summoning courage, she even dared to run her hands through his damp hair, living second to second in the lovely quiet.

Ben remained still, and Rey suspected that he wasn’t breathing until he sniffed wetly. She froze as teardrops began to dampen her thin t-shirt, but at the first shudder of his shoulders Rey pulled him into her, wrapping her arms around his head and bracing against the sobs that wracked him. He grasped her tighter, more desperately, as though with anything less she might disappear.

Rey’s own tears resurfaced and she cried quietly alongside him as they both let the fact of their togetherness roll over them.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the updated tags, folks. This chapter is nsfw.

Bright afternoon sunlight streaming through the bedroom window allowed for a peaceful awakening. It bathed the room in its warmth, illuminating Ben’s broad shoulder from behind as he dozed next to Rey.

His face was softer in sleep, childlike even, and Rey’s heart squeezed in a strong surge of affection. Every morning could be like this, were the world a fairer place.

With his bare chest only half covered by Rey’s favorite blanket, she had an open view of the length of his arm down to his enormous hands, resting so close to her own. Hands that could be put to good use.

A hot pulse of want coursed through her, centralizing in that familiar, sweet ache between her thighs. Pressing her legs together to take the edge off, instead the sensation sharpened, deepening her need for something more… direct.

Rey flicked her gaze back up to Ben and found him staring at her with eyes wide open, mouth parted and nostrils flaring, his breathing heavy. In a flash, Rey recalled him saying once that his sense of smell was better than the average person’s. It was a ridiculous thought, that he could _smell _her—

All the same, somehow, he _ knew. _

And if that was the case, however crazy it might be, then what was there to stop her? He hadn’t fled the room. In fact, based on all their encounters over the past week, he usually liked when they were closer, when they touched.

She scooched over on the mattress, closing the small distance between them until she could feel the heat radiating from his body and stopped, waiting for some reaction from him. His eyes never left her face, and he didn’t move a muscle.

Summoning what courage she had, Rey reached out to touch his cheek, the warm skin under her fingers softer than she imagined. Her heart stuttered in her chest as her thumb lightly traced his lower lip. This was _ Ben, _ underneath her fingertips, patiently watching her, waiting for her, and in one crashing moment of clarity Rey knew she wanted _ him. _

Her lips softly met his and he reacted immediately, grabbing her neck and waist and pulling her into him with rough urgency. Surprise and excitement sent Rey’s head spinning, and she eagerly moved against him to bring their bodies as close to each other as possible. A thrill ran through her as a light exhale through his nose brushed warm air against her cheek, his mouth slowly moving against hers and intensifying that delicious ache in her groin.

He broke the kiss but continued to hold onto her tightly, bringing his face to her collarbone and inhaling deeply.

“God, you smell so good,” he murmured, almost absent-mindedly. More gruffly, he added, “Tell me what to do.”

Instantly she knew what she wanted, what she _ needed. _

“Touch me,” she told him, her own voice a little hoarse.

Placing a light kiss in the crook of her neck, Rey shivered as he said against her skin, “Show me how.”

It struck her then that it might be a lack of experience prompting this, but she brushed the thought aside. It could be discussed later, and it didn’t matter anyway. Not to her.

Taking the large hand cradling her neck, she guided it down past her shirt and slipped it beneath the hem of her underwear, continuing down through the fuzzy patch of hair she hadn’t bothered to shave in weeks. The slight embarrassment was immediately drowned out by his calloused fingertip sliding through her lips, and she slowly tucked his forefinger into the slick and pulled it back slightly. It caught her clit and her breath hitched, body seizing at the instant stab of pleasure it gave her.

Ben tried to withdraw then, but Rey quickly gathered her wits and tightened her grip on his hand. The worry marring his face made her melt, but it wasn’t the time to ponder that.

“Feels good,” she breathed. “Do it again.”

Mimicking her slow movements on his own, Rey groaned, then flinched again in pleasure when his finger grazed the sensitive nub. Laying her hand over his once more, she led him back to her entrance and tucked his thick forefinger up inside, the action forcing a gasp from her as it easily slid into her. She pulled it out slightly and helped him push it deeper, sighing happily at the full feeling of it.

“Two, try two.” He did, and the stretch was incredible. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she whispered, “Fuck me like that.”

He complied, and she kissed him hard as he dragged his fingers out and eased them back in, the little sloppy noises it made only making her want more.

Fumbling under the blanket for where she knew _ he _ would be, she was instantly gratified when her fingers made contact with the hot, hard length of his cock. As her hand wrapped around him, she marveled at the size and gently squeezed, giving him a little pump.

Ben choked.

“You—I want this_, _ now,” Rey stammered, ungracefully disentangling herself from him and rolling onto her back to shimmy out of her underwear. Grabbing his wrist, she pulled him over her so that he was positioned between her legs. Just seeing his dick jutting out from his abdomen made her squirm in desire, but he hesitated and sat back, kneeling. The sunlight highlighted the scars crisscrossing the pale skin of his chest and arms, and Rey felt her heart flip over in her chest. Was there any part of him she wasn’t madly attracted to?

“Can I see all of you?” he asked, breaking her focus.

“Oh, yeah,” Rey said, impatiently working her night shirt over her head and throwing it onto the floor.

Still he waited, letting his eyes trail over every inch of her skin, lingering between her small breasts, nipples peaking under his gaze, and then finally up to her face. Leaning over, he reached out and tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

He swallowed before saying seriously, “You’re beautiful.”

Rey scoffed, but tears began to well up in her eyes before she angrily wiped them away.

She saw his panic.

“Please, Ben. Don’t stop. Please,” she begged.

Remaining skeptical, he did as she asked, leaning on one elbow over her and lining himself up at her entrance with his other hand. She inhaled sharply at the first push, his cock stretching her more than his fingers had, but she encouraged him with a smile and brief word of encouragement. With each experimental push her body accepted him further and further inside, accommodating his size with the easy thrusts. Although he tried to keep a close eye on her reactions, he soon lost himself to sensation, his eyes rolling back, his hips beginning to snap up into her with a primal drive.

Rey was every bit as lost in heady ecstasy, the feel of him hitting her innermost parts sending bolts of electricity through her. The amazing friction of his cock ramming into her pussy opened up her body in ways it hadn’t before, her insides clenching rhythmically around him, tighter and closer together until she saw stars and cried out as she orgasmed around him, her toes curling and her hands white-knuckled as they gripped the sheets.

“God… Rey!” he panted, pummeling into her as he came inside, his arms bracketing her and his face pressing into her neck, moaning through the pulsations.

Spent, Ben gently fell to his side and gathered her into him, holding her tightly.

Unable to hold it back, a sob burst out of Rey, the dam breaking as tears streamed down her cheeks and onto Ben’s sweaty skin. He only held her tighter and let her cry.

The sobs eventually slowed, and Ben finally spoke, the vibrations of his voice thrumming through his chest against Rey’s cheek.

“Talk to me.”

Sniffling, Rey said, “You’re just going to leave.”

He pulled back to look her in the eye. “No. I won’t.”

“Yes, you will!” she threw at him. “Everyone does.”

“I’ll stay as long as you let me,” he replied gravely before bringing her back into his arms.

The safety there, the assurance of being well-cared for, was unlike anything Rey had ever known, and she allowed silence to settle between them as she soaked it all in. Before long, she couldn’t hold back her curiosity.

“That wasn’t your first time, was it?”

She felt him nod more than saw it. “Was it… good for you?”

“Yeah. Really good,” she said through a grin, quickly responding to the anxiety she heard in his voice.

“Wolves mate for life,” he said above her. “I never had a mate.”

“I’m glad,” Rey whispered, snuggling in closer to him.

“Me, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll earned your smut. Thanks for sticking around 😘💕


	13. Epilogue

Unfamiliar countryside blurred past Rey as she looked out the grimy window of the train. It had been months since she’d been this far outside the city, and the rich colors of springtime were lovely and new but did little to relieve the tightly coiled ball of nerves in the pit of her belly.

Ben sat next to her, one hand draped over her knee and the other holding open the book he was reading, a worn backpack perched on his lap. They had collaborated in packing a survival kit of sorts inside it, including a spare set of clothes, a few granola bars, Ben’s new wallet and metro card, and a t-shirt Rey had slept in for a few days.

Ben’s stomach-flu-like symptoms that heralded the impending full moon were as consistent as the tides, a 24-hour notice of his oncoming change. It was only one of a hundred little lessons Rey had learned over the course of the past month.

Like how Ben remained in his wolf-form for extended lengths of time only during periods in which he was without human contact. The more contact he had, the shorter his time as a wolf.

Or how he loved to read, devouring entire books in a day if allowed the time.

Or how he could smell Rey walking down the street to their apartment from a block away if the window was open.

Or how every day was a well-lived day with Ben.

The two-hour train ride passed by quickly, rushing along as time tends to do when some dreadful yet unavoidable event had to occur. The closer they got to their destination, the faster the time went, and the higher that tight coil in Rey’s belly rose into her chest.

Sensing her shift from nervous to panicked, Ben moved his hand from her knee to her own hand, where it rested in her lap and gave a small, comforting squeeze. She took it, but didn’t dare to look at him. If she did, her emotions would surely get the best of her. She didn’t want to cry at all, but crying in public was always worse.

The train jerked under them as the brakes were applied, and Rey saw the open-air platform approaching, the vise inside her now making it difficult to breathe. Robotically, she stood up and exited the car, not even glancing back to see if Ben followed. She knew he would.

It was a stop carefully chosen for its seclusion, its distance from any type of urban sprawl. What Rey hadn’t considered was how the darker forest line gave the open field in front of them, glowing almost golden in the bright sunlight, such a contrast in tones of deep green that it took her breath away. Her eyes danced over the view and, despite the circumstances, her heart was buoyed by the refreshing bounty of beauty the place had to offer. If she had to leave Ben behind somewhere, this was the spot.

Ben hoisted the backpack over his shoulder and followed her down the stairs, across the tracks, and up to the shadow-line cast by the edge of the trees, where Rey suddenly stopped.

With her back still to him, Rey said to the forest, “Just a day or two, right?”

It didn’t matter how many times he told her _ ‘I won’t be gone long’ _ or _ ‘I’ll come right back.’ _ The fear he wouldn’t was suffocating.

Ben pulled her into a tight hug.

“You’ll send out your application for art school tonight?” he murmured into her hair.

Rey nodded against his cotton shirt, not trusting herself to speak.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said, before backing away and heading for the trees.

“Ben!” she started. “What if—”

He only shook his head, a wry smile on his face as he turned back around, all the love a man could have for a woman written clearly in the way he looked at her.

“It’ll be okay, Rey. I always find my way back home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all who read and to all who blessed me with kudos and comments! I'm so happy I could share this small adventure with you.
> 
> Please feel free to stop by and say hi on [tumblr](https://shewhospeakswiththunder.tumblr.com) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/shewhospeaks2), where I occasionally do the update thing. I'm always working on something new!


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